Wanted
by Betta329
Summary: What if Kurt and Blaine never met in high school? After a year living in New York City, Blaine Anderson is lonely and his former Warbler friends are starting to get a little concerned about his status as a homebody. Nervous about putting himself out there, Blaine expresses himself in the best way he knows how. With a song. And an online ad.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

_Wanted: a friend_

Wow Blaine that sounds desperate. Could you not?

I know I've got to sound like the most desperate loser on the planet, but moving to New York has left me kinda lonely. My apartment mate is either passed out drunk or with some girl. Not that I mind that, yeah I'm gay as the day is long, but I'm not one of those guys that's gonna sit here and trash straight people. Reverse prejudice is still prejudice.

A point I have one.

Sitting here staring at the cursor blinking on my screen was nerve wracking. Nothing was more terrifying than a blank screen. And here it was all looming and impending. This could end really badly. My mind immediately went to all of the horrible possibilities: rape, murder, the bottom of the river, Cooper being distraught while Father was disgusted and disappointed as though he expected nothing less from me. At least he had a fancy apartment that he could rent out.

If I let my thoughts run away with me I would end up not posting this. And Craigslist wasn't just for raunchy hookups right? I didn't want to go on a dating site. I never really had a boyfriend before. I mean sure I screwed around with Sebastian at Dalton, my former prep school, but that wasn't serious. That didn't count. I don't want that; commitment, introducing to family and... Yeah. Wow. Now I'm blushing hard.

I don't want a relationship, except I do kinda... No. I want emotional connection and sex just confuses that. So no more hurting or pining. I just want a friend, a real friend. That's it.

_Wanted: a friend. Current music education student seeks friend. Creepers need not apply. _

_Blaine Anderson. 19. New to the city. If you like pina coladas…_

Ugh who am I kidding. This sounds like a personal ad. I'm aware it is a personal ad but I don't want it to sound like a personal ad.

The only real way for me to express emotions before has been through music. Maybe that's what I need. Some music. And at that moment some lyrics rang through my head. I sang you words I never said. Ok that was sweet, but I really didn't need to High School Musical it up anymore. I was nearly 20 for Christ's sake.

But what if I took it and ran with it.

And just like that a thought was born.

_Wanted: Friend, Amigo, Compadre _

_It's the start of something new. A whole new world, just around the river bend. I'm bulletproof nothing to lose fire away. And I could be the greatest, I could be the best, but I get by with a little help from my friends. Everyday is a winding road, and I can only imagine what it would be like, surrounded by your glory, I just can't get enough._

_You might not know me, but I bet you want to. Take at look at me now, I'm just an empty page. It was written in the stars, only yesterday was the time of our lives, and now I'm stepping out tonight, spreading my wings and starting to fly, to see if I can go the distance. Raise your glass if you are wrong, in all the right ways. Start spreading the news, I'm leaving today, and I've been a part of it. But the sun'll come out tomorrow and I'm betting my bottom dollar that there ain't a reason you and I should be alone tonight. I'm wide awake and you should be my teenage dream tonight._

_You've got a friend in me._

_Blaine Anderson. Music education sophomore at NYU. New to the city and looking to meet some fun people. Creepers need not apply. If you feel up to the task, send me a message and we can see where it goes._

And before I lost my nerve I pushed submit.

Holy fuck what did I just do?


	2. Chapter 2

One Week Later

I had set up a different email account to let all of the messages from my ad go to one place. And though my phone was beeping off the hook with emails, I didn't check it. Not once. Because at the end of the day I'm kinda needy and codependent. Ok not really that bad, but I was scared. I could only imagine the propositions that karaoke wonder mix would receive from the more colorful people of the big apple, but so it goes.

You gotta put your best foot forward and keep a smile on your face. All the world's a stage…

And if that was my audition to the human race I wasn't quite sure what I would think, much less the all seeing director of our lives.

The week went by relatively quickly. I was bogged down with schoolwork. Midterms were fast approaching, as was Halloween, and I was busy. I was also avoiding the world. My friends Wes and Trent, who joined me in New York after we graduated from our high school, were busy with their own things and I didn't want to bug them. They'd been encouraging me to get out and meet people, join a club, something, but nothing seemed right. I wanted to get to know people, and not just Wes and Trent and my haphazard roommate and Mr. Bruin across the hall with the Golden Retriever, Scout, that I help him take care of. I wanted to know people, really know them, not just hang out with strangers.

I can hear Wes's voice now, mocking and his eyebrows raised, saying so a personal ad does it better Anderson?

And Trent shaking his head and sighing, giving me a lopsided sympathetic look.

When Friday rolled around and the long weekend loomed I pulled out my phone and sat down on my bed. The roommate, Jake or whatever his name was, didn't look like he would be returning anytime soon since his room seemed pretty locked up. Sometimes I didn't know why I let Father's associate's nephew room with me, but it was better than being totally alone. And the way his girlfriend talked maybe they'd be moving out soon.

So it was time to relax and really unwind. Well, after I took a shower. Last year some people in my class said I needed a New York makeover. Gone were the bow ties and shirts pinned to my adam's apple, though Mr. Bruin happily took some of them before I donated the rest. And the hair gel. Apparently my over gelling to make my hair look like a helmet was considered an environmental offense in like 38 states or something. I had a fluffier look to my dark, wild curls now, but I'd kinda grown used to not falling asleep with the gel in. It was sort of freeing. So an afternoon shower, maybe a nap, and avoiding my email.

All right. Just the shower and then email.

I wasn't surprised by the huge amount of spam in my folder. And I scrolled through awkward body shots of both men and women, propositions to have my children, and lots of people wanting to meet up but things just didn't quite click. A drag queen, some guy who works on chemicals in a home lab that I think was code for something involving drugs, a woman that swears she's Anastasia and another that thinks she's a mermaid. What in the world?

And when I was about to close the file something caught my eye.

_That is an interesting take on a karaoke medley I've only seen pulled off by drag queens at three a.m. And I have to say that I really hope you're not one of them, but this is really cute. I'm new to the city, too. Moved here last year from Ohio with my high school friend Rachel Berry. We're both working on musical theatre at NYADA and I can always use a friend or two. The kids there are kinda cliquish and it feels a lot like high school back in Lima all over again. Anyway, if you're not a creeper yourself maybe we could get coffee sometime. I'm usually downtown in the afternoons. I have an internship at Vogue. Hit me up. Kurt Hummel_

My heart felt like it was going to explode out of my chest. A fellow Ohioan right here under my nose with the same interests as me? This was amazing. I wonder if he went to McKinley, the high school that used to kick our butts at regionals. And with that I took to facebook to totally stalk, I mean creep on, I mean check out Kurt Hummel on facebook. Sure enough there was one Kurt Hummel that worked for Vogue and he was a McKinley alum. He was… The most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. That hair, his cute little mouth and upturned nose, his gorgeous blue eyes, and his frame. He looked both small and sturdy at the same time.

I could climb that man like a tree.

And the thought of that made me blush crimson. Sitting on my bed with a thin white tank top and a pair of red plaid flannel pants, I couldn't help but think a lot about those eyes looking up at me, about me looking up into his. I was considerably shorter, it seemed, than he was. And I wasn't particularly special I thought. Dark brown eyes, curly hair, big nose, I'd been trying to bulk up but that didn't seem to work out so well. I guess I was just used to being smaller and lither from my boxing days. But good things come in small packages right? And I wasn't small per se, more like fun sized. And I had a great personality.

Wow that sounds so lame and pathetic. I want to punch myself. Wes would tell me not to sell myself short, har har, and then give me a laundry list of character strengths like my attitude and being friendly and there for people and listening and that I'm a sharp dressed man even before my makeover, I was just a little bit too wearing my grandpa's clothes and not so much looking incredible but old fashioned.

As I mulled over my possibilities, I decided that although this man seemed way out of my league, maybe he would want to talk and get to know each other. So shifting to a better position, I decided to draft a reply.

_Kurt Hummel of Lima, Ohio. It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance. Did you go to McKinley? I went to Dalton Academy and I don't know what I think of corresponding with someone who so brazenly kicked my ass every year at the show choir regionals. With that friendly rivalry aside, I like the idea of getting to know you, especially if you go to NYADA. That's a fantastic school. You could totally get me in. Just kidding._

_I would normally say so tell me about yourself. What's your life like here, your family, your home back home, all of it. _

_As quid pro quo will have it I'd happily tell you about me. Besides singing my heart out, dancing, and acting I play racquetball and box. I have an apartment in Astoria and go to NYU currently. My roommate is kind of a loafer right now and a couple of my friends pick on me for being a homebody that can't get over the prep school blazer so I hang out with my neighbor Mr. Bruin to get my fix of blazers and ties. He has this adorable Golden Retriever named Scout. She has a lot of energy and he asks me to take her on walks and stuff because the stairs can be a bit much for him._

_See? Look at that. I'm a nice guy not even a little bit creepy. Maybe a little from my diverse music tastes, but that's not too bad. Perhaps you can forgive me or see me in action sometime._

And with that I sent it, hoping I wasn't too overt or obvious and went and got some dinner. My mind was flying over all of the possibilities. Kurt Hummel, gorgeous fashionista and musical extraordinaire. Can you call a guy a fashionista? Clinton on What Not to Wear would probably approve. God I hope he's gay. Having crushes on straight people just sucks in its unrequitedness and patheticness. And I really don't want to make him uncomfortable being around me. It's not like I was after him. I think it was just a crush.

It wasn't long before my phone was vibrating in my pocket as I sat down with my bowl of rice-a-roni and turned on the TV. Bravo was doing a Cirque du Soleil marathon and I was planning on watching every show. But right now my eyes were trained on my phone as I sat on my big, almost comfy, leather couch.

_I did go to McKinley. You know you want some of my talent to rub off on you. ;) Rachel and I were part of the team that took Nationals our senior year, though I have to say those Warblers are downright dreamy. And I don't know if I could help you get in. I was a reapply and have had some trouble finding my niche. People here are a little different I guess. It reminds me a lot of high school, except without getting thrown into dumpsters for being out. But c'est la vie. I'm in more enlightened company while those neanderthals are flipping burgers._

_Sounds like you're a bit of a homebody Blaine Anderson. Have you even seen the inside of a theater, a subway, anything? And Astoria is nice. And expensive. Rachel and I have a studio in Bushwick. It's inconvenient sometimes but it's home. Home in Lima is small. My dad and stepmom and stepbrother all live back there. Dad's a real grease monkey, owns a shop, but the best dad anyone could ask for. Him and Finn work on the cars and Carol kinda keeps house. He got diagnosed with cancer a year ago but it seems to be in remission now. So that's good. Had us all really scared for a little while. Wow I'm rambling a lot. _

_Your apartment sounds great and I'm laughing at this ridiculousness about bow ties and blazers, though some people can really work it. And ties are good for things, like dragging people, and convenient if you need to tie someone up. ;) Did you not get your customary New York makeover yet? If not I can totally hook you up. ;) You look pretty classy on your facebook page. Don't hate the player, hate the game. I had to take a look. And you're not lying about that dog being adorable. Though I'm concerned that you've gotten yourself a former homeless person in dog form. It just barks at trees for no reason. If he's the best you can do for company I'm a bit worried. Sounds like you need a distraction. Or a human companion._

Laughing as I read the note, I couldn't help but immediately start typing a reply.

_Congratulations on your national win then. I stare from afar and bow to your greatness. I'm sorry to hear about your school though, both then and now. Bullies chased me to prep school, and I often felt like I was locked in a gilded cage. Sometimes I feel like this is a gilded cage, too. Fancy apartment with obligations. But it's much better than the shared bathrooms in the dorms. I have a routine to stick to. It's awesome that you have such a great support system in spite of your struggle, but you sound really strong. Color me impressed. And your dad does sound awesome. My dad had me rebuild a car with him one summer but I think it was to see if he could turn me straight. Alas here I am, wanting to surround myself in musical theater and kids._

_I'm sure the vogue intern could hook me up all right, and definitely interested in that. But I did go through a bit of a makeover, though I do miss thrift shopping for ties. Your preoccupation with them though is fascinating. Makes me want to bust out some of the ones I couldn't bear to part with to put you to the test. I have to say the not as flamboyant pants, sweater vests from The Cosby Show, and looser shirts are very comfortable. I do miss the bow tie though. Have to find myself a fancy dinner party or something so I can bust them out. ;)_

_Scout has a thing for chasing birds. I don't get it. So she's not really barking at the tree like some of the hobos, but the birds. Guess she must've missed that Allie and Noah are flying around and should be a little more sensitive to the lovers trying to get a moment. And I'm not gonna lie, I totally creeped on you, too. How does your hair defy gravity like that? It's adorable. And sexy. _

_Homebody yes, but I get out some. Just not much to run around the city alone. Especially when I've got a gorgeous blonde girlfriend here to cuddle up to at night. I mean the dog by the way. Most nights I'd rather watch Chelsea Lately or E! I'm just not much of a partier. Alcohol does things to me. Now who's rambling? This might be better handled over text. It might not get so long winded then. _

I added my phone number to the end of the email then pushed send and set it off. My food was getting cold and I should eat, but I didn't really feel hungry anymore. My stomach was full of butterflies and excitement. We were flirting and having fun. This was nice. I know I said I did not want a relationship, and I wasn't about to jump the gun here, but Kurt Hummel was interesting, fascinating really, and I was intrigued.

It took a while for my phone to buzz again, nearly half an hour. I'm not gonna lie, I was getting a little paranoid. Maybe I went too far. I rambled a lot. Who does that? And the flirting and demonstration hint? Ugh. I really needed to get a handle on this being insecure thing. Maybe this nervousness was partially why I wanted to sort of screen people through the internet first. Aside from the panic attack, I pulled my phone back out and beamed at it. Though my face fell.

_Hey. It's Kurt. Rachel is dragging me out with some of her friends. I just wanted you to know I was thinking about you and didn't forget. Just want to give you the time and attention you're due. Talk to you tomorrow. :D_

I couldn't help but smile at his message, even if I was a bit disappointed. It was nice to hear from him. And to have his number on my phone.

_Thanks for being so considerate. Have a safe and fun evening. I look forward to hearing from you. :D_

And with that I set my phone down and let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding. That… Maybe I was being a little bit dramatic as I leaned bag smirking to myself and turning the volume on the TV up, but I couldn't help it.

So it begins.


	3. Chapter 3

_Sitting in class is by far the most boring thing to do on a Saturday morning._

When my phone buzzed as I was making breakfast, Scout right on my heels because Mr. Bruin came by early to ask if I could watch her for the weekend while he went to visit his daughter in New Hampshire until Tuesday night, I nearly fell on my face trying to grab it. Sure enough it was a message from one Kurt Hummel.

**Why are you in class on an Saturday morning?**

_Oh you know Anderson, the joys of being an actor._

**No, I don't know. **

_Well it sucks. Almost as bad as this hangover. And if my dance instructor keeps pounding that wretched stick to keep time in this studio there could be a murder. Do you know a good place to hide a body?_

Laughing out loud I gathered up the pieces of my breakfast burrito, giving some sausage and bacon to Scout whose tail was murdering my thigh as she wagged it in happy anticipation then chased the food across the floor. Making my way back to the living room I curled up on the couch with the little fleece blanket I kept on the back. This apartment could be so drafty as the seasons changed into fall.

Maybe Wes is right and I am turning into a geriatric old man in a bathrobe.

Luckily I left the fuzzy slippers in my room today so there's a bonus for my youth.

**You do have to go through the struggles in order to pay your dues right?**

_This is a due I would rather have paid in cash._

**Imagine the due you'll have to pay if you get caught with your phone out. Think of all those mirrors tattling on you at every turn.**

_Haha! She's blind as a bat and I'm stealthy you don't even know._

**You're stealthy and you're a sleuth, professional facebook stalker extraordinaire. Surprised you haven't friended me yet.**

_Look at you trying to put a label and a commitment on this thing already. Next thing I know I'll have a ring on my finger and an official relationship status change request._

At first I didn't know how to take this. Was he joking? Was he telling me I was coming on a bit too strong? I didn't want to seem clingy or needy right off the back. I mean sure I just posted a wanted ad on Craiglist with an assortment of music and that might come off as a little needy, or at least crazy, but that didn't mean I was clingy or needy or coming on too strong right? At least I hoped not. I really need to get this insecurity thing under control. I could blame sebastian but I'd rather not. The problem really is me.

As I stared at the wall, Scout coming and laying at my feet, my thoughts consumed me. Dalton Academy had been quite the adventure when I started there freshman year. I had just moved up to the high school at my local public school with high hopes. My life had been hell during middle school with guys bullying me for being gay, but I tried not to let it get to me. This was my chance to shine. So when the Sadie Hawkins dance rolled around I asked the guy I had a crush on to go with me. It was a pretty good night dancing and having fun, but I couldn't help feeling like something was coming. Sure enough some upper classmen caught us on the corner waiting for my dad to pick us up and beat the ever living crap out of us. Like in the hospital beat. It was awful. Tired of the bullies and the drama I retreated to Dalton Academy, a private school with a no toleration bullying policy.

Things were great there. I met some of my best friends and became the lead vocalist for our Glee club, an acapella boys group called The Warblers, which was kind of like the Yale Whiffenpoofs. We had common interests and a common goal. Then Sebastian came into my life. A new arrival my Junior year, his smirky little face and flirtations did not go unnoticed. I'm not going to lie, there was something about him right off the bat that just rubbed me the wrong way. It was like he always had the upper hand, and he knew it. And he used it to his advantage.

_"Come on small fry. We all know you've got talent out the butt but that doesn't mean that everything Blaine says go. Lead vocalist does not mean fearless leader. And I think we need to mix up the boy band bebopping across the stage."_

_"But guys this isn't classy. This isn't what we stand for."_

_"This isn't your grandfather's glee club anymore squirt. So why don't you have a seat? The big boys are talking."_

It was always like that. His smirk and always getting my goat. The flirtations. And I'm sorry but my willpower was weak. Ever since what happened at my old school I had the appearance of cool collectedness, but in reality I was scared. I didn't like to initiate and I was paranoid. If I was really being honest with myself I could talk about how I'm emotionally needy because my parents are disappointed in who I am as a person, if they're even home with their zipping about from one country or exotic locale to another, and my older brother acts like everything is a competition. So a lonely kid, who doesn't think much of a himself, sort of settles for the one thing he had going for him. Sebastian.

As Sebastian got more and more suggestive, I couldn't help but try to keep up with him. It was like a contest almost and I didn't want him to see me sweat. So when he took me to a bar and challenged me to a challenge trying to drink me under the table, I couldn't resist the chance to try to show him up. You know how they call people a tall drink of water? Well he must be made of water, or have an exorbitantly high alcohol tolerance because that boy carried my drunken ass back to the car like he had been sipping Kool-Aid all evening.

I'm not going to say he took advantage of me. That wasn't it at all. But I was intoxicated and he was attractive and I did get handsy and I did kiss him in the back of that Volvo all desperate and heated. And when he tangled his hands in my hair I couldn't help but moan into him encouragingly. As his hands trailed inside my shirt it felt like my skin was on fire. And I don't remember exactly how we ended up laying in the back of the car, but I do remember clothes being pushed aside and how he felt smooth like glass in my hand and his fingers were gripped around me like a vice. And after a few moments we were both laying there breathing heavy, hot and sticky, and I thought what does this mean. As my eyes met his with the question written all over my face he laughed and said that I was cute when I was worked up and he was going to take me home.

From there things didn't turn heated exactly, but it was like this unspoken thing between us. A look across the room would result in both of us going searching for something later and pressed to the wall hands everywhere desperate and needy. Whenever I tried to do something sweet though he patronized me. We didn't date or go to dances. It was just this unbridled lust, and I remember having a bitter taste in my mouth every time he would sort of slink away with a condescending tone or jab. Every time I tried to make it more, turn it into a relationship, he'd sort of pat me on the cheek like I was cute and left.

I felt used and dirty and I didn't want it to be like that again.

Not that Kurt was using me or dirty, but the silly banter did leave me with a lot of internal questions myself.

I guess I'd zoned out for a while because when I looked down at my phone there were more messages.

_Did my relationship talk scare you away? Not to self, avoid commitment._

**No. I was just pondering how to take this. I guess I'll just have to wait for you to friend me.**

_Whew. I thought I'd lost my salvation through this wretched morning._

**I'm your salvation?**

_You are today. And pretty much any day that I have class and am bored. So you better exercise your thumbs._

**Is that right? I'd like you to know I'm good with my hands.**

_I figured you were. I stalked your pictures remember? They're nice._

**As are yours all slim and long.**

_Too bad you can't see them in the flesh. Rachel is always jealous of my porcelain baby butt soft hands._

**Maybe one day I will. We'll have to see how this interview goes.**

_Interview?_

**Yeah. Your interview to deem the worthiness of you to my friendship.**

_Oh I'm worthy._

**Confident are we?**

_I am. You're bound to love me._


	4. Chapter 4

Kurt's middle name is Elizabeth, he took ballet when he was a kid, his dad is his hero, his favorite song is 'Come What May' and he says that singing that to someone is more intimate than… intimacy, and he's not a morning person.

_Why in Christ's name are you texting me at 6 in the morning?_

**It's 6:39**

_Is the sun even up yet?_

**Barely. I'm watching it peak out through the trees.**

_You are outside, dressed, and walking around at the ass crack of dawn? You my friend are a robot._

**I am not a robot.**

_You're a something unnatural. College students are supposed to be in bed clinging to their pillow right now because they just went to bed an hour ago._

**You said you went to bed at like 11.**

_I did. But in general. It's Sunday. The day of rest Blaine!_

**LOL easy for you to say lazy bones. Carpe Diem Kurt!**

_You are much too chipper for me._

**See? If I was there I could put on coffee for you.**

_If you were here I would punch you in your face and smother you with my pillow and pin you to this bed until you were unconscious._

**Violent tendencies. Allow me to add that to your profile.**

_You're keeping a profile of me?_

**Yup.**

_And what else have I been so obvious about?_

**Kurt Hummel. Hopeless romantic. Daddy's boy. Hates mornings. Flexible. Triple threat. Sings like a dream. Survivor.**

_How do you know I'm flexible and can sing like a dream?_

**You're a dancer and you won nationals.**

_Oh yeah. I'm not doing so well with the whole dancing thing though. Need extra lessons. Apparently I'm the perfect cross between a near sighted white boy and a duck._

**Harsh. Maybe someday I could give you lessons. It's all in the hips you know. ;)**

_I'm sure. Thanks for that at 6 in the BLOODY morning!_

**Are you British or just a closet BBC nerd?**

_No. I just acquire slang from people I'm around a lot._

**I'll have to provide you some words then.**

_You'll have to be around._

**Oh I plan on being around. Just wait and see. You can't get enough of me.**

_Sleeping now._

**Boo.**

_Zzzzzz._

**Sweet dreams.**

_Why are you awake so early anyway?_

**I thought you were sleeping?**

_My curiosity was peeked. I can't go back to sleep with my brain sitting here spinning thinking about you running around in some dapper red scarf with that brown suede coat._

**Stalker :D**

_Your facebook photos are nice._

**You'd get to see more of me if you friended me.**

_You could friend me you know_

**Not after your comments yesterday. Nope. I'm going to let you run the driver's seat in that department.**

_So Mr. Secretive goes out at the crack of dawn to practice his repartee on unsuspecting souls who were sleeping in order to best them in his search for omnipotence._

**Hardly. I am a good fur daddy is all and thought I would grace you with a lovely picture of the morning you're missing... ( )  
**

_Wow. That's stunning. Good morning._

**It will be indeed. Get some sleep. We can talk later.**

And with that I tucked my phone back in my pocket and headed back up to the house. It was a bit of a trek, and we stopped to get coffee at our usual spot before heading to the fourth floor of our walk up to the apartment.

Have I mentioned the permanent grin stuck to my face? No? Because yeah. I don't think I have ever smiled so much in my life. It was like when I walked my feet didn't even touch the ground. They say you just need one happy thought to fly, and this was mine.

But in reality, what was I doing. I have effectively been talking to this stranger for three days nearly non-stop. We've discussed our basic interests and his family, I kinda dodged when he asked about mine. I told him about my classes and school, my friends, my time at Dalton. He talked about Rachel and his other roommate, at least I think that's what she is Santana. His family, his dad and everything they've been through from losing his mom to thinking he lost him, and I could see how much Kurt leaned on his friends and family. He needed to stand on their shoulders to stay strong and tall and make his dreams within reach. They always say behind every great man is a great support system, and Kurt needed the approval of his friends and family. Or so it would seem.

I wondered if he was as lonely as I was. He was obviously missing something in his life to respond to my ad. Or he could just be really giving and want to share himself with someone else. Or maybe he could just use another guy in his life with similar interests. Someone to lean on who would understand more of him and his hopes and needs than his friends did. They were all on the same path and were rooting for each other I'm sure, but there's always a bit of competition between friends like that. At least that's what it was for me. I'd always loved the spotlight, but I never thought I could do what Kurt does. I don't have the support behind me. And instilling values and helping people seemed to come more naturally to me anyway. Might as well do that while focusing on the things I'm passionate about right? Like music. So I'd happily stand aside to let other people I care for shine. And seeing Kurt succeed was already something I was really invested in.

Maybe I was building this whole thing up in my head. My heart raced when my phone beeped and it was pretty much permanently attached to my hand. Which would be fun for racquet ball later this morning with Trent. Except not. Was I falling for him? How can you fall for someone you haven't even met, someone you've built up in your head.

No, that was crazy. I was having a friendly conversation getting to know some guy. It was nice. Granted it wasn't helping the whole Blaine you need to get out of the house thing, but I was talking to people. Baby steps right?

"Blaine Anderson have you lost your mind?"

"What?"

Trent's indignation had him frozen in the middle of the court staring at me with wide eyes, the little blue ball he was supposed to be keeping an eye sort of bounced around the room like a rabid, hyper chipmunk and eventually stopped. "You put an ad up on Craigslist in New York City and are talking to some guy who responded?"

"I don't understand why you're freaking out right now. He goes to NYADA. It's not a big deal."

"Dude! This guy could be an ax murdered living under a bridge plotting on how he's going to kidnap you and rape you then throw you in the Hudson."

"He's not going to kill me. We're just talking. I looked him up on facebook and stuff. He's legit."

I'm pretty sure smoke was coming out of the back of Trent's head now as he stared at me.

"Anyone could download some other guy's pictures and put them up on the internet. Anyone! I could make a Miley Cyrus facebook and tell everyone I'm a 14 year old girl and catch predators like Chris Hansen."

I sighed deep and rolled my eyes. I figured Wes would be the one to over react and Trent would be supportive. Boy was I wrong. "You are not catching any predators. It's not like we're going to meet up and run away together. It's just talking."

"Right. Get them to create an emotional connection with you and WHAM!" He smacked his hands together like an alligator's mouth closing so hard that I jumped a little from the surprise of it. Trent was normally so calm and cool and sweet. He wasn't this guy who got really animated and over the top. Realizing that he was this upset made me concerned, but a large part of me didn't want to stop. A large part of me was sort of infatuated with Kurt.

"Are you listening to me?"

"Yes!" I lied.

"Blaine. This is dangerous. I want to talk to this guy. You need an intervention. Wes and I are taking you out, no questions asked."

I scowled and crossed my arms over my chest, shaking my head in annoyance. "You're being ridiculous. Haven't you ever talked to someone on facebook or something before?"

"Yeah. People I met in real life, Blaine! I don't go out putting personal ads up requesting friends and talk to some freak."

"He's not some freak! Look, I'm not like you. I'm shy and nervous and I don't do well with groups and people and everything. This lets me—"

"Sit up in your apartment and never experience anything and be safe. I get what you're saying. But this has crossed over into a new level of scary, you need help."

"I don't need anything. I'm just talking to some guy."

Trent's look turned softer, more concerned and less panicked. "This isn't healthy. I know you're scared of getting hurt, emotionally and physically. I know you don't think much of yourself. But that doesn't mean you should run around with a psychotic death wish."

"It's not a psychotic death wish! People meet online all the time. If we ever do meet in person, not that I think that's ever going to happen because he has a life and is going places, you can come with me. Or scope him out first. I'm not just going to run away with him. And you could meet an axe murderer in a bar that looks sweet and nice and will gut you and steal your kidneys just as easily as on the internet. He went to McKinley. He's one of us Trent."

"Hardly," with a scowl he walked out of the court and grabbed his phone from his bag outside. Sighing again I gathered up the ball rolling around haphazardly and went out to meet him. Apparently our mid afternoon lunch just got moved up as Trent gathered his stuff and made his way to the locker rooms. I followed behind him like a scolded puppy to clean up in silence. No banter or silly jokes about school as we walked to the cafe in silence.

That wasn't uncomfortable at all.

I didn't understand what the big deal was. We were just talking and carrying on. If I had met him at a bar or the library everyone would be patting me on the back. Why was this so different? So what I hadn't seen his face in person. That's the whole point of dating sites. And thousands of people use that to meet people and don't wind up dead. They want me to get out and meet people then I meet someone and they're pissed.

Ok I get that I didn't go OUT and meet this person, which was half of the arrangement, but still.

More than all of that, I felt like a balloon that had been deflated. Trent was one of my best friends. He moved to Dalton with me and defended me against people like my dad. Whenever things got to be too much at home he was always there for me to run away to and feel safe. And to see that he was this upset upset me. I lived for other people's approval, I'm not going to lie. The thought of hurting or disappointing someone that I cared really deeply for hurt me and made me want to jump to make it better. I could totally say it was due to not living up to my family's expectations, daddy issues abound in my case, but I think I may be overanalyzing my case and spending too much time reading my child psychology books.

Honestly I didn't have a lot of people in my life, and the last thing I wanted was to be a disappointment to any of them. My friends and family meant more to me than they'd ever know, and gaining their respect and approval meant a lot to me. Really it meant everything to me. Everything I did was to make others proud and to give back to them. Feeling like they were upset like this boggled my mind. ANd I didn't really know how to fix it. And truthfully I didn't think I wanted to.

Wes was sitting at our usual table just inside the door, concern reeked from him from and I could practically feel his brows furrowing as we stepped up and I stopped and sort of froze in place.

"I really need to get home," I said taking a few steps back. "I have this paper due."

Never, not even once, had I seen Trent glare. If I wasn't so lost in my own feelings I would've laughed at loud at the ridiculousness of it all. Imagine the happiest creature on the planet, a Keebler elf or the Pillsbury doughboy. Now try to imagine them angry. It's impossible right? Apparently not. I didn't know whether to be afraid or to pet his upset away like a grumpy cat.

"You are going in there and fessing up to what you've done!" He barked through gritted teeth.

"Fessing up? You make it sound like I'm a child and I stole something from his pencil pouch. I'm a grown ass man. If I met him in a bar or on eharmony you wouldn't say a word Trent!"

"Yes I would, Blaine. I would tell you that you need to be careful and I want to meet him and do a thorough google search about him. I'd even call my uncle on the police force and try to get a background check on him."

"That's crazy."

"No, it's crazy that you're willing to just throw yourself around… Again!"

Ouch.

Trent was the only person that knew about me and Sebastian for the longest time. He knew how used I felt and that I couldn't stop. Like it was the only thing I had going for me and I was refusing to give it up, even though in reality I knew it wasn't. I almost didn't move to New York because of it. He convinced me that I couldn't sit around and wait for him, and that there wasn't anything to wait for. Sebastian was just using me. And in reality I was letting him. According to Trent I was worth more than that. Though sometimes I still don't see it and I wonder about how different my life would be if I would have stayed. Maybe he would've realized that feelings weren't such a bad thing. We couldn't have done what we did for so long and not develop feelings over time right?

If that doesn't sound sad and pathetic and lonely I don't know what does.

I didn't want to spend my life being someone's human dildo or cock sleeve. Though a little voice in the back of my head told me that was all I'd ever be.

Nodding, defeated, I stepped up to the door and walked into the cafe. I sort of flounced into the booth and slid down, leaning my head against the cold glass avoiding Wes's gaze. "Whatever you have to say get it over with. I don't care."

"I think that's part of the problem isn't it? You not caring?"

I rolled my eyes at that. "You're the one that said you wanted me to get out and meet people. Then I do and you guys turn on me like a pack of dogs."

"We're not turning on you," Trent said softly and immediately a huge pit formed in my stomach as I thought about how my words and attitude were hurting him. "We're trying to help you and look out for you."

"You're trying to tell me I'm insane and need to stop. It's just texting." I countered.

"We just don't want you to get hurt, Blaine," Wes said, his concerned look turning a little softer.

"I get that. But sometimes people get hurt. Sometimes you have to put yourself out there. And you don't see me hosting some sort of intervention every time you guys ask out a girl."

Trent sighed and Wes gave me a look like I was walking on thin ice, but I didn't stop.

"If I had put the ad up as a profile on some dating site you guys would not be doing this."

"Yes we would. There's plenty of ways for you to meet people, Blaine."

"Not really. Anytime anything like this happens there could be a risk. There could be a risk with you guys going out with girls or meeting someone at a coffee shop. That old lady over there could be hiding 15 men in her basement."

The old lady completely glared at me right then and I couldn't help blushing crimson and sort of trying to move my hand in an apologetic way. "Not that she does or would or anything." She shook her head and grabbed her muffin and started to walk out.

Great. I was annoying strangers.

"You see that? The creep in this relationship is me."

"You're calling it a relationship?" Wes asked.

Ugh. I just couldn't seem to do anything right today. "No! It's not a relationship like that. We're just getting to know each other. Friends."

"Yeah right Blaine. Look, I'm being honest here. It's impossible for you to be friends with people." Trent said.

I'm pretty sure the ouch I felt resounded on my face. "Then what are you two supposed to be?"

Trent held his hands up as thought he was surrendering and trying to calm me down from the edge at the same time. "Now just listen to me. We've been friends for 7 years? Wes and you have been friends for 5 years? Try and tell me that you weren't crushing on us at one point or another."

My face flushed then turned crimson and I stared down at my hand on the table fiddling with the fork.

"You love deeply Blaine. That's not a crime. But you do it fast and we don't want to see you get hurt." Wes said.

"Right, unless you're the ones doing it."

Wes gave me such the go to hell look while Trent look crumpled. That happy, jovial thing just turned into the saddest clown at the circus and I'm pretty sure three kittens died or were diagnosed with cancer when he made that face.

"I didn't mean it like that," I said softly. "Look you're my best friends. I appreciate everything you guys are doing here and what you're trying to do. I'm not going to fall in love with some guy via text message. That's crazy. We're just friends and talking, like you would talk to someone on a message board, like when we first got here and were assigned mentors and stuff. It's the same thing. The could have been rapists, murdering pigs, too."

Wes was still giving me a go to hell look, but I think it was supposed to be more a you're totally not getting it look. Trent just looked sad.

"I'll be fine. Really."

"Just don't meet him or do anything crazy, all right? If you do we want to be there. You need wingmen. Something," Trent said.

"I understand your point in that if it was a real dating site or something we wouldn't be as put out, and you're probably right, but I would still be worried. You might not think much of yourself, but we do, and you deserve better. You deserve someone that's going to value you and take care of you the way you take care of everyone else. If that pisses you off, so be it. But I'm not sitting here because it's fun to yell at you and worry. I'm sitting here asking you what you're doing with your life. You sit in that apartment alone, you hardly go out, and you have a closer connection with your 80 year old neighbor and his dog than you do with people. Your classmates and teachers may not be the best, but people care about you. And you deserve to be happy and not living your life hiding from the world," Wes said.

I couldn't help but sort of stare at him. He was right, not that I was willing to admit it. "I'm not hiding."

"You are. I understand you're scared and nervous. Rejection sucks. And people could hurt you. But you've got a whole life worth living and a huge heart, a huge talent and soul, that you're keeping locked away from everyone. We just want you to be happy and not hurt. If talking to him makes you happy, fine, but please get out of that apartment and do something besides hang out with us."

With a sigh, and my head reeling, I nodded in agreement. The waitress came over to get our orders and the rest of the afternoon continued on like any other time we would meet up, but my attention was only half there.

I get it. They're worried and scared. I have a lot of anxiety and I'm scared and they don't want me to waste away turning into some sort of hermit mole person. Which I'm not, but that point seems moot.

I've been alone. And I'm scared. But that doesn't mean they need to badger me to get out. What would getting out do anyway? You can find an axe… Ok I used that already. I could be used or taken advantage of or hurt by someone that knows me in the flesh. What Kurt and I have been sharing feels real. What better way to get to know someone than to share intimate conversations, thoughts, hopes, dreams, and then go from there? It's romantic and sweet. It's the same thing as meeting online. Except we're not doing that. We're just talking. And here they've got me running away with this guy.

Like anyone would want to do that. With my issues I'm generally the one being run over. Someone's not gonna whisk me off my feet and care for me the way I do. It's a fate I've sort of resound myself to.

What twenty year old talks like that?

Really Anderson you need to pull your head out of your ass and look around you. You've got friends, a life. You're in the greatest city in the world and you're wallowing in self-pity why? You vowed you were going to prove everyone wrong and here you are again, singing the same sad song. It's a bit tired really. Be friends with Kurt, but don't blow up this fantasy in your head. You want to meet people and be treated right? Then dammit get out there and meet people. Tonight.

But it's a school night.

School boy Blaine needs to sit down because I'm a grown man now and I'm not going to let this slip through my fingers. Pushing my plate back and interrupting Wes's story I sort of slapped my hands on the table.

"You guys are right. Let's blow this popsicle stand. There's a club opening I heard about and with Daddy's credit card we're bound to get in. I'm tired of just sitting here. Let's go."

They both stared at me for a minute and then as though they were in shock at my newfound voice they smiled and rushed to slide out of the booth, leaving money for the bill we headed out and off. This was going to be the start of a great day.

Or not.

Monday morning met me with the worst hangover of my life. Who knew martinis poured down your throat like that would leave you feeling run over the next day.

Well that wasn't the only thing that had left me feeling run over let's be honest.

To make a grand point to my lovely wingmen I decided to get a little lubricated with some liquid courage and talk to this blonde, buff guy. My talk I mean flirt. My flirt I mean kinda throw myself at.

He was cute. Those eyes and his big lips had me mesmerized to say the least. And when he suggested we go somewhere a little more private I nodded my agreement. Soon enough we were in an alley, my hands fisting in his shirt as he pressed me hard up against the wall knocking the wind out of me. Everything about him was hard and firm under my hands and I felt almost dwarfed by his stature and strength. We stumbled back a little further into the darkness and then he was working my pants and my cock was in his hand. I practically curled off of the wall as he stroked me hard and fast, and before I could even think straight those lips were on me and my fingers ran through his shoulder length blonde hair.

Holy fuck his mouth was so warm and wet and everything about that moment felt like it was on fire. I tried to warn him as he moaned and sent a vibration through me and sucked on the head of my dick hard, his tongue tracing over me and rippling against my skin, giving me just the extra friction that I needed. And then in a rush I came, pushing his head down until he gagged and burying my dick in the back of his throat as I gasped for air.

"Fuck. Jesus," I gasped and panted as he pulled back off me, smiling bright.

Before I was completely aware what was happening we were on the Subway, and then stumbling up the stairs to my apartment, completely lost in one another clinging to each other. I vaguely remember the door shutting and then there were hands all over me, and him, our clothes scattering on the ground around us. Then he was pushing me back on the couch and my legs were wrapping around him. He had something in his hand, I wasn't sure what at the moment. But then his fingers ran down my abs, my cock, over my balls and to my ass. I groaned deep as he pushed one finger in me, clenching instinctively and whimpering and then a second finger moved in. It was wet, so wet, as he worked his fingers in me and I realized he was lubing me up and stretching me, scissoring his fingers inside me as he pulled out.

Looking back on it, who carried lube and condoms in their pocket like that?

Anyway, I groaned as he stroked his fingers in me, my cock rock hard and jumping as he kissed down my neck and over my collar bones. I whimpered when he pulled his fingers from me and he smiled at me and whispered, "Don't worry."

A moment later I felt him, hard and thick pressing to my ass, pushing my thighs up and slowly starting to sink in. I was surprised at how much it hurt at first, not used to going this fast and I clenched around him, crying out a little. "Just relax," he said and I took a couple deep breaths as he stroked my cock in his hand and pushed in deeper until I felt like I was almost scooting away. Surprisingly though that was all their was and I was shocked as he started to work in me, slowly like he was helping me get used to it then faster. And faster. His grunts and panting was so sexy in my ear as he got more desperate and frantic, and soon he was stopped and I reached down to stroke my cock, which was throbbing and aching to be touched. And I came on my chest as he pulled back and tossed the condom in the trash sitting beside the kitchen counter. I reached over to grab my shirt and clean up as he came back to the couch, smiling, and kissed me again.

I'm not entirely sure what all happened next, but I woke up this morning wrapped in the blanket on the couch. Alone. He must've seen himself out. Somehow I felt empty and alone, more so than before, and at the same time somehow vindicated. Or at least hoping that this would help my case with my buddies. With the blanket wrapped around my waist I made my way to the bathroom. Huh. I didn't remember leaving my gel out. Must have forgotten it.

The rest of the morning went by in a bit of a blur as I tried to chug down some water for my hangover. I went to grab my phone and checked my messages. Sure enough Wes and Trent were checking on me and I messaged to let them know I was ok. Then I looked down and saw I had a few other messages I had missed.

_Noon is a much better time for a wake up call Mr. Anderson._

_I guess you're busy._

_This old woman just asked if she could touch my hair. Aww the joys of Bushwick._

_You're quiet today._

_Is it weird to say I miss you?_

Shit.


	5. Chapter 5

Author's Note: I apologize for the delay. Traveling and real life drama got in the way. Here's hoping that you guys are still reading. ;) Lots of cuddly face kisses to you all. Also feel free to follow me on twitter or tumblr and poke me occasionally or ask any questions.

What have I done?

Well I've just fucked up everything ever is what I've done. That's probably a gross over reaction, but what was I supposed to say or do?

**Hey.**

Really? All you can muster is a hey?

**Sorry I didn't message you yesterday. I was kidnapped by a band of pirates. Luckily I have a distinct set of skills that make me a nightmare for people like that. So I slayed the pirates before they got me off the island. Unfortunately they stole all my hair products. What's a gay to do?**

Hoping that my messages would bring a smile to his face, I called up my friends. Naturally they didn't answer. They didn't have responsibilities to look after.

"So by the way," I said into the voice mail of each of them. "Just wanted to let you know that your aversion to the internet resulted in me being used for a one night stand and having all of my hair product stolen. No love. B."

That'll teach them. Yeah right.

Standing outside in the bright fall sun always made me a little melancholy. Really it should heighten all my existential, transcendental feelings, one with nature, all that jazz. Instead it just makes me kinda sad and thinking about my own story. I guess in truth that's what romanticism is all about, finding yourself in nature. Though this is a self I'd rather not explore.

Though I appreciated the ever present presence of Scout, and Mr. Bruin was a kind man, it was an incredibly lonely life I was leading. Sitting in class there were several guys I wondered about, but when I was younger I was attacked for simply existing as an out gay boy. The last thing I wanted was to go home in a body bag.

I could only imagine the obituary. Blaine Anderson, grave disappointment to his father.

Sometimes I felt like nobody cared about me at all. I could disappear and no one would notice. There was no dent, no difference made. I was a regular Eleanor Rigby, died and was buried along with my name. No one was saved.

All the lonely people…

Growing up in a very closeted town with people that didn't get me was more than a little isolating. It instilled fear in me, a fear that just wouldn't quit or go away. I think that's what made Wes and Trent worry so much. I've crawled back from the brink before. Most of my life if I wasn't trying to gain the approval of my family I was looking for some sort of approval from the people around me. Hence letting Sebastian use me. Sebastian for years teased me and kept me dangling on the line like some puppet on a string. Constantly I wanted his approval, letting him play mental games with me and get his way only to have him ditch and abandon me when the time was right.

So when he moved on and flaunted his older, wiser, college boyfriend under me I pretty much hit bottom. Between never having the approval of my family to one person that made me feel like in a way I was good for something, I was done. Sure that good for something was getting him off, but it was better than being alone. And Sebastian wasn't all bad. He gave me confidence and made me feel less alone. Sure he was twisted at some points, but I don't think he was malicious. He was just a guy and didn't want some serious relationship. It was just fooling around, kid, don't take everything so serious. Why can't we just have a good time? Why does it have to mean something?

And deep down, I think Sebastian really did care. At least in his way. You don't share banter and physicality like that without some feeling. I think he ran because he was scared of his feelings. But that could just be me hoping for something.

Hope is forever a curse.

All my life I just wanted to be loved so I settled for this lackluster relationship, if you could even call it that, and one night stands apparently. And not just Sam. Sadly this wasn't the first time.

But my thoughts kept going back to my family. I wanted something more in life and everything felt so empty. If your family is supposed to love you more than anyone else, what did that say about me? That I'm unworthy of love obviously. I'd always be this disappointment. I'd always be alone. Who would ever love me? My own parents can't stand the sight of me. How is a stranger supposed to love that? And why the hell do I keep going back to them and wanting their approval?

Because they're your parents, Blaine. You're supposed to love honor and respect them.

Staring out into the morning, watching the light moving through the autumn leaves as Scout ran back and forth barking at birds and squirrels, a soft smile moved across my face and I took a deep breath. Pulling my phone from my pocket a took a short vine of Scout and sent it to Kurt. _A little something to brighten your day._

God I hoped that I hadn't screwed it up with him.

And that simple thought had my brain reeling.

_God you're so stupid Blainey. How many times do I have to tell you to grow up. You're such a disappointment. God I wish you would just stop, why do you have to be this way? This is just a phase, Blaine. Grow up. _

_ I'm so tired of listening to you whine, seeing you like that. You disgust me. It's because he was born without a soul, dear. It's not our fault. We never should have kept the baby when we were going through such a hard time._

_ I wish you wouldn't have kept him. We didn't need another one, Margaret._

_ You think I'd want to see this? I'd rather be dead than see a son of mine act this way. You're a disgrace, Blaine. I'm ashamed to know you, much less be related to you._

_ You're a real piece of shit you know that? Why do you always gotta make eery holiday miserable, Blaine?_

_ You do this to yourself. You know how he feels about you and this choice you're making. Why do you always have to upset your father that way?_

_ No one loves you more than your family, Blaine. No one. _

If this is love, I don't want any part of it.

Taking a deep breath I threw a rock, silencing the demons before they really get nasty. I needed a drink. The thought instantly made my stomach turn as I thought about my hangover. I needed to do something to get me out of this loop though.

You don't choose your family. None of us do. Some of us luck out and get a great opportunity with a loving group of people supporting us every step of the way, putting aside their own pride and needs to help you soar. Then there are families that see you as a stepping stone, you scratch my back I scratch yours. But it really sucks when you get stuck with a family that preaches love and understanding, but in the confines of our own home they're full of hatred and disgust. All my life all I wanted was to be accepted and loved, to belong somewhere, but that was surely not going to happen with them. Time and again I had been told to ignore them and not talk to them, but I can't. I just can't stop. I don't know why I'm like this. But I can't.

After a few moments I called Scout to me. Running my fingers through her fur was comforting and soothing in a way I hadn't felt. And it was nice to be wanted and needed. More than that it felt like somehow she knew I needed comfort and she was there. My ever present companion.

My dad would be proud. I finally found myself a girl.


	6. Chapter 6

_For a night of partying you are certainly an early bird_, the message said around lunch. When I got back upstairs with Scout I had made breakfast and set to work on some homework because I'm that guy. Still hadn't heard anything from my buds, no surprise there, but I was surprised when my phone beeped. This was entirely too early for anyone I talked to on the regular to be messaging me after a night partying. Little did I know that one Kurt Hummel would be awake and texting me.

A bright smile bloomed over my face as I read it.

**Indeed. I'm a man of many talents.**

_And obligations. Though that video is by far the best thing to wake up to ever. Does she give you doggie kisses, too?_

**Sometimes. Only when her breath isn't rank and gonna kill me.**

_You have a doggie with nice breath? You are a lucky man. Or you have even less of a life than I realized and spend time on doggie dental care. That's dedication._

**LOL no**, I typed, my smile growing into that goofy space. **We give her treats that make her breath smell better and clean her teeth. MMM Bacon.**

_Your dog has breath that smells like bacon? How is that you're not like 800 pounds? I'd be eating bacon on the regular. _

_ In truth I do eat Bacon on the regular._

_ Bacon is the food that makes other food worth eating._

_ And I'm an emotional eater. So there must be cake. Just know this in advance._

**LOL. I will remember this. I do a lot of running around. All work and no play, y'know?**

_Oh I know. _

**Speaking of things you know. How did you know I was partying? I could've been tortured. Pirates.**

_Right. That sounds like you found yourself a Johnny look a like and brought him home with you. Or you got taken home with him. Cuties like you are. _

**Oh stop. Gonna make me blush.**

_Too late._

**You're not wrong.**

_So did you enjoy a night of debauchery drinking dancing and carrying on? Or were you really stolen by Africans on a jet ski and made to be their slave while they attacked other cruise ships full of tourists?_

**LOL no and no. Though yes to the drinking. Why is the rum gone?**

_You're not gonna give me any details of your loverly outing?_

**Oh you want details now? Have we reached that stage in the relationship?**

_Look who's throwing the R word around._

Instantly my gut clenched as fear threatened to swallow me. I took a deep breath and pushed the demons aside, not listening to their taunts trying to drag me under.

**I do. I throw a lot of things around. You don't even know. Dishes. Pants. It's like gauntlets and knives in here.**

_I don't know whether to laugh and be impressed or afraid._

**Both. I promise we won't throw knives at you.**

_Or there's a we? You have a whole troop over there for drunken debauchery with Somalian Pirates and knife throwing. I'm sure they appreciate that with the rubber rafts._

**Not so much. But they're cool because I hide their treasure in the best places.**

_You're a treasure hunter, too? And a singer. The mystery continues._

**Does that make you some sort of interviewer? And next up on gossip column Kurt Hummel asking all the hard questions.**

_That's me. Just practicing for my day job._

**And you either have a thirst to prove yourself or are seriously a workaholic.**

_Both thank you very much :)_

**I'm really glad to hear from you today, Kurt.**

_I'm glad to hear from you. I was worried, ashamed to say._

**I'm sorry. My friends kept me busy from my phone.**

_Oh I understand that. Rachel is the same way. She actually takes my phone so I don't drunk text people. _

**That's sweet. Probably for the best.**

_It is. I really don't need to have another incident like last summer where I accidentally dirty texted my father while he was coming home from cancer treatment._

**:-O**

** O.O**

** 8-O**

** Wow. So your dad has cancer?**

_LMAO! Way to fix my mood Mr. Anderson. Here I thought you were in shock over sexting._

**;) I try to keep the surprises coming.**

_That you do. _

Somehow talking to Kurt like this made everything feel right in the world, like somehow life, the universe, and everything would be ok. Like I was normal. Which was a nice change. As I worked on my homework we chatted off an on about television, movies, and his being up to work on writing out a blocking sheet for his director's class.

It was late in the evening when a knock came at the door and I started. Sure enough there were Wes and Trent holding cans of hair gel and ice cream. I couldn't help but laugh. "Really you guys? You didn't have to go to all that trouble.

"No trouble," Wes said as he came in and headed straight for the kitchen. Scout on his heels as he went to make bowls for everyone.

Trent stopped and squeezed my arm giving me a sympathetic look. I sorta half smiled at him, but I did have the immediate thought to punch him in his little face. Though I'm pretty sure a kitten dies every time Trent makes that lip wobbling sad face. But I told them, and they insisted. Go out they said. Meet a guy face to face they said.

Right.

"I'm really sorry that last night. We shouldn't have let you leave alone like that," Wes said from the kitchen.

"I didn't really leave alone did I?" I countered.

"No. You didn't," Trent said as he came in and I shut the door behind him.

"This was sweet of you guys to come over with the general break up grieving foods. It's appreciated that's for sure. But really you don't have to do this. It's not—"

"Not what? A big deal? Blaine, we know how… Sensitive you can get," Wes said.

I couldn't help but roll my eyes at that. "Fine. I get it. I know I'm like this sad clown thing over here. But for the record I would like it known that I tried, I really tried ok? I went out and did things your way. Now let me do things my way for a little while. Yeah it might not be conventional, but most people meet online anymore. It'll let me test the waters with someone for a while, really get to know them."

Trent gave me a concerned look, studying me as Wes sighed. "We're just worried you're going to become more reclusive under the banner of talking to someone online."

With that I had enough. I know my friends were trying to help, but for fuck's sake. Tossing my phone to him I gave him the code. "Read my texts. Go on. Tell me this guy is a creeper. That he made up his friends on facebook and his profile he downloaded from the internet. Hell I even saw his Khummel posts on the NYADA message boards. Just give it a chance. We're not in Kansas anymore ladies."

With a scoff from Wes and a laugh from Trent they plowed through my phone and I didn't care. Let them see. I had nothing to be ashamed of.

"What's this message from Sam?" Wes sing songed grinning.

I scrambled across the top of the counter and snatched the phone from him.

_Thanks for a great night. Would love to see you again. Give me a call. Sam_

Really?

REALLY?!

He stole my freaking hair product and he texts me? I growled as I stared at my phone, feeling the heat rising in my face and my blood pounding in my ears. "What an asshole," I spat through gritted teeth then handed them my phone back.

"Don't you want to reply?" Trent teased.

Wes held up his hands. "Easy killer."

And just like that it was like all of the air had been sucked out of the room. Trent elbowed him hard and I glared from my position on top of the counter.

"I'm sorry, but I was used and robbed last night. I think a little over reaction, or reaction at all, is completely necessary and justifiable. Hell, you guys brought me ice cream. So let's move on shall we?"

With a somber nod, and Trent mumbling at him, they both went back to looking at my phone. Laughing and teasing about our flirtations.

"This Kurt guy doesn't seem so bad," Wes said.

"You should totally put these posts on a blog somewhere and get internet famous," Trent said at last. "You're the totally cute couple everyone is gonna root for."

In my dreams.


	7. Chapter 7

Author's note: The link to the video described is youtube dot com /watch?v=3GWLoyAS0d4 Enjoy and get some tissues bbs.

* * *

_Your friends go home?_

**Yeah. It's me now.**

_That was awkward._

**Sorry. :(**

_No it was fun! I don't think I've ever been asked where to hide a body, my favorite position, and if I was a fruit which one would I be and why in serious contexts before._

**I just handed them my phone to show them you weren't an axe murderer. They're protective is all. They mean well. I hope they didn't freak you out or anything.**

_No not at all. Please if Rachel got a hold of you I'm sure you'd run for the hills. She'd probably want you to go on a friend date or two with her in order to judge your worthiness as a potential suitor. And get her dads to do a full criminal background check on you. She'd be invasive. They were sweet._

I couldn't help but laugh as Kurt described Rachel to me while he carried on about Wes and Trent's interrogation. That's what I get for leaving the phone in their hands. Little did I know… But it was really sweet and very appreciated, even if it was embarrassing and frustrating all at once.

**She has two dads huh? Divorced and two families?**

_No. They're gay._

**Whoa. More gay people in Ohio? Don't tell the republicans. They might nuke us.**

_LOL. So long as they get my family and Rachel's out first I'm not complaining. There's a lot of pain and hurt there I would like to see gone._

**Oh believe me I understand. **Boy did I ever. There were a lot of memories in Ohio I would like to see explode in a giant ball of flame. Memories that would be realities before I knew it.

Every day one of us messaged the other, usually something random that turned sweet or silly.

Like there was the day of the great pickle fiasco.

_You have no idea how angry and disgusted I am right now._

_ I just… I can't… I'm unable to… No way…_

**What?**

_Rachel's skeezy boyfriend took a jar of pickles, dumped out all of the water, and left a giant moldy mess of disgusting in the back of my fridge._

**That's impressive. Though I'm troubled that you're just now figuring this out. I assume it's been in there a while?**

_They're growing._

_ There's like a pickle nest with rainbow colors and mutants._

_ OH GOD! I think it just moved. Do I need to call someone?_

**Whatever you do don't open the jar?**

_Why? Could this fungus kill me?_

_ Do they have ANY idea how seriously I take my cuisine? This was next to my gorgonzola._

**Well then it's fine because that cheese was already rotten.**

_Har. Har. Not funny. If you can't appreciate good cheese…_

**Oh I appreciate good cheese. I make a wonderful Tiramisu with mascarpone. I absolutely adore gouda and brie. I could spend the day eating nothing both provolone and prosciutto. I just don't like stinky cheese that should've been thrown out eons ago.**

_You just need the right kind of gorgonzola._

**Well you're welcome to educate me. **

** I meant don't open it because the smell will make you wish you were dead.**

_Now I'm curious._

_ How could you do this to me Blaine Anderson?_

_ You know I'm like a kitten. We're curious creatures._

**Don't do it.**

_Ok I won't._

_ Tell me again not to do it._

_ Too late_

_ Blaine you have to be ready for these crisis situations! I gave you a strict order and you didn't come through!_

**Don't do—I was typing. OMG you didn't**

_Did._

_ I have never smelt anything so bad in my life. _

_ I threw it out the window. _

_ Now the outside smells like it and I can just imagine it getting hot and wet._

_ Oh god I probably just poisoned all our water._

_ Or the stray cats outside!_

_ Oh god._

_ Why?_

_ Why did you let me do this?_

**I can't stop laughing Kurt. Calm down. If the cats are stupid enough to eat that, I'm sorry it was their time. Evolution. Survival of the fittest. And smartest.**

_Or those with iron stomachs._

**That, too.**

_I think I'm gonna vomit. Rachel is gonna kill me. BUT THIS IS HER BOYFRIEND'S FAULT! Surely she'll understand._

**Of course.**

_I am legitimately concerned about the cat_

Then there was a late night practicing for my piano midterm.

**Can I ask you a favor?**

_I'm right in the middle of an America's Next Top Model marathon. I've already seen this season. Jaslene, I hate that bitch. So sure. What can *I* possibly do for you?_

**Wanna help me practice?**

_Practice?_

**I have to make a video of a one take me covering a popular song on piano.**

_This is like a real thing? OMG Do they have acapella guys at your school? Are you like the Anna Kendrick of NYU?! I can teach you the cup thing!_

**LOL. I dunno if we have aca-guys but that would be aca-awesome. **

_Aca-believe it! OMG I love that movie an insane amount! Rachel's been threatening to delete it from our itunes library/_

**Let's just say I was inspired by the shower scene.**

_The naked girls inspired you?_

**The impromptu music.**

_Oh ok. So what I'm supposed to listen to you and tell you what I think? Does this mean we are going to extend to the next level and call each other?_

**As I'm in the driver's seat… No. I was hoping you'd watch my youtube video.**

_Ouch. Shut down._

**Right? I'm a failure at life.**

_Not quite. But I'll bite at this._

**Ok. Here's the link. Listen and watch and tell me what it makes you think. I'm supposed to try to hit an emotional heart string.**

_All right. Loading._

_ Still loading._

_ Whoa_

_ Man you gotta warn a guy when you're gonna expose them to porn like that._

**Porn? Wait… What link did I send you? Oh god!**

_LOL no. Not like real porn. Just some intense hand porn you have going on._

_ Jesus_

_ Talented fingers_

_ Making those ivories your bitch_

_ I'm gonna need a minute_

_ BBL_

**LOL you can't just leave me hanging like that**

_You can't send someone hand porn like that and not give a guy a minute_

**Dude you're gonna make me blush**

_And stare at your hands_

**Maybe a little. **

_I never thought I would wish to be an inanimate object before_

**You should see what I can do with a microphone.**

But it wasn't just sweet and silly and working myself up. And apparently him, too. Sometimes we'd sit up and text late into the night. Lately I've been going over a conversation we had just a few nights ago.

**Tell me something no one else knows.**

_I used to wet the bed when I was nine and change and wash sheets before my dad noticed._

**LOL no something real. Something true.**

_That's real and true! I'm like a ninja._

_ All right all right._

_ I keep a bottle of my mom's perfume and an old shirt of hers. When I'm sad I spray the shirt and put it on my pillow so I can feel like I'm hugging her._

_ I know I know. It's totally stupid._

**Kurt**

** That is not stupid. **

** That is beautiful**

** You are beautiful, inside and out, and I know she would be so proud of the man you have grown to be. She's always there with you and that you honor her like that, and include her in your life, that's really telling about who you are as a person. It's very touching. Thank you for sharing that with me.**

_I want her to be part of my life even if she's not here in the way you and I are here. I talk to her about everything. Tell her about my day when I'm wrapped up in my bed. It's like she's here. And I can practically feel her responses most of the time._

_ She likes you by the way and says hi._

_ She says you're too guarded and should come out of your shell._

**LOL Your mom sounds amazing. I wish she could adopt me.**

_Here's hoping. It depends on how good you are around the kitchen._

**I'm not as much of a cook as I'd like to be, but I am definitely about the cleaning up.**

_That's it. You're family. You're welcome over at any time._

_ Hell she'd be happy if someone just stood in the kitchen and kept her company. That's usually what I did._

**Well we can keep her company together.**

Days turned into weeks, and soon winter was very much here. Not only was it here, but it was hitting with a vengeance. Unfortunately Mr. Bruin wasn't dealing with the weather that well. His health wasn't great as it was, but add in the cold and that poor man's arthritis and he couldn't handle the stairs. Scout was pretty much living with me full time, except at night, when she whined for him. Usually I'd walk her across the hall to Mr. Bruin. Although frail looking now, and getting thinner by the day, Mr. Bruin was a kind man that would could tell used to be virile, full of life, and is now fighting with this body that betrayed the spirit within.

"Blaine," he said with a bright smile across his face. "It's so good to see you. Scout giving you any trouble?"

"Apparently she misses her real daddy and wants to go home."

"Girl," he said looking down at her sitting at his feet. "We had a talk about this."

"A talk?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Blaine you're a good boy and you need someone. And Scout, she's just too much for me now. I was hoping you'd take care of her. I want to know she has a good home."

That statement hit me right in the gut. And then I kind of realized how papery thin Mr. Bruin's skin was looking, and kinda grayish green around the edges. "What—What are you talking about?" I asked, denial washing over me.

"Blaine, I'm old. No one lives forever, not even old coots like me."

"Mr. Bruin you're fine. It's just the weather. You'll be back running up these stairs in no time."

He started to laugh and then a coughing fit took him over. My hand surged forward to help steady him as he doubled over and Scout whined at his feet. A sinking feeling filled my stomach then as I took a step into the apartment and saw an IV bag just around the corner. So it wasn't a cane he was leaning against.

Well this is great.

"Mr. Bruin, can I call someone for you? Your daughter?"

"No, no. She's going to come up this weekend. Don't worry about me, Blaine. It'll be all right."

Nodding I helped him back to the couch, Scout on our heels, until he was comfortable. Then I went and rummaged in the cabinet and got together a few things to mix up some chicken soup. Internally I smiled thinking that Kurt would not approve of a tiny bit of soft noodles, chicken broth, and a bit of an onion and parsley. It wasn't much, but it was something. Though Mr. Bruin told me to stop, I insisted he eat something to help warm him up.

After he was settled, and actually eating his food, I went back to my apartment.

_Getting ready for bed?_

**No. Not yet. Just thinking.**

_Sounds dangerous. What's up buttercup?_

**Worried about my neighbor**

_The guy with the dog?_

**Yeah. He's sick. It doesn't look good. Not just like the flu or something. It's serious. He's wanting me to take Scout permanently.**

_Aww honey. I'm sorry. I know he's your buddy, checking on you a little and you keep an eye on him. Maybe you could keep that up. Help him out. Can you call someone? Does he need a doctor or a nurse?_

**There's a nurse that comes in the afternoon. His daughter is coming up this weekend. I'm just paranoid around sick people I think.**

_I'm hugging you with my mind, Blaine. You're a good friend and every story has an ending, but I'm sure he'll be ok._

Tuesday turned into Wednesday. I didn't sleep much and woke up with a cup of coffee ready when I went to check on Scout. I opened the door with the key he'd given me ages ago and there was Mr. Bruin sleeping on the couch.

God I hoped he was sleeping.

As I stepped close I got more and more the sinking feeling that he was dead, and I jumped clean out of my skin when I reached to shake him and he started, nearly spilling the coffee.

"Oh Blaine!" he said holding his chest. "Sneak up on a man like that and you'll give someone a heart attack."

"Sorry," I said, heart pounding as I set the coffee down for him. "I brought you some coffee and came to check on Scout and you. Hungry for breakfast?"

"No, son, the nurse will get it for me. Thank you. You go on with Scout and head to school."

With a smile I took Scout out, both of us walking kinda slowly like we were realizing what was going on. There was no bounce in either of our steps as realization that something was ending, and soon it felt like.

But I was wrong.

The days marched on, with me checking on Mr. Bruin in the morning and bringing dinner at night. He was a kind old man to say the least. And apparently snarky and worldly. Mr. Bruin is a former costume designer who has worked on a LOT of plays. Who knew we both had a passion for performance?

"You shouldn't give up on your dream of being someone, Blaine. Don't settle. Dreams are what make life worth living. Sure, teaching is a great and noble profession, but you seem like the kind of guy that was born to stand out. Don't give up on your dream before you get started."

"It's not like I have much of a support system. Acting and music is great, but only a few people get lucky and I need to be practical."

Scoffing hard, Mr. Bruin set this his cup of coffee. "Whoever told you that needs to be caught and shot right now. Listen to me. Throughout your life you're gonna find road blocks along the way, people that want to tear you down and make you feel like you and your dreams don't matter. That everyone just needs a 9-5. It's not true. You know what's wrong with this world? Everyone wants to play it safe and chase the dollar and their own popularity, their own nothing lives like it's important. Because everyone's special no one is, and you Blaine? You're special. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Don't let anyone tear down your dreams and who you are, who you want to be. The arts are important, sharing your life and soul and story. I hear you playing across the hall, and singing. You have a talent that shouldn't be bottled. Your story, your soul, is worth more than the all mighty dollar everyone chases. You could help the world with your spirit, your passion, your drive. Don't give up on your dream because a bunch of small people want you to be small like them. That's the way of the world. The mob tries to keep the heroes down, but you gotta stand up. You gotta show them. And stories like yours are what the people need to hear. These are the stories that make life worth living, and make small people around you resent you. But that doesn't mean your voice should be silenced. Everyone wants the people around them to be as plain as them, and don't fall into that trap. You're more than all of this bullshit. I promise."

I smiled a little, but mostly stared down in my cup, swirling the dregs of my tea around. How is it that this man who barely knew me knew me more than my own family and support system? How is it that he knew everything that I was thinking and feeling in that moment? With the exception of the impending doom that the approaching holidays always brought on, Thanksgiving being only a couple of weeks away, he hit the nail on the head. I must've sat there a while before Mr. Bruin yawned and dragged me from my own thoughts.

"You should get back to your place. I need to sleep. We'll talk more about this tomorrow."

With a nod I took our cups to the kitchen and came back to give him a hug. My grandparents were pretty much non-existent in my life. And this kind man, who befriended a young kid across the hall, gave me hope. Maybe I should start performing and really throw my feet into theater. When I went back to my apartment I started looking into programs at NYU. I didn't want to give up teaching, it was important to me. Hell maybe I could teach theater when I got old.

**So I might be changing majors. Or adding a second.**

_Oh yeah? Have I convinced you to become a dancing queen like me?_

**How about an actor?**

_WHAT?!_

_ You're going to switch to theater?_

_ NO WAY! _

_ That would be… HOLY CRAP YOU'RE GONNA BE MY COMPETITION!_

**Now calm down a little there. It's just a thought. Mr. Bruin and I were talking. He seems to be doing better today. And he was telling me that I need to get off my duff and stop acting like I'm just like everyone else when I'm special and should give my dreams a chance.**

_See I didn't realize this was a dream. This is obviously why we should meet in person. Then I could get that vibe from you and give you the kick in the pants you need._

**You wanna take that step now huh? Talk about all the life changing decisions going on today.**

_Well, don't get too carried away. You gotta sleep and stuff, too. Busy day tomorrow._

**What? Why?**

_Your midterm. Chemistry or whatever. You are studying aren't you?_

**Fuck. **

** I totally forgot. **

** I need to go.**

_Good luck Blainey!_

_ Or rather, since you're joining the ranks, break a leg._

I completely forgot about my midterm as I went over to my backpack and pulled out my chemistry notes. Well rounded education, I know I know, but sometimes I really wish we didn't have to study pointless nothing things.

The next morning, with my test scheduled so early for such a large class I didn't have time to take Scout out. I could hear her whining, but I knew she could wait an hour. I usually didn't take her out until around 9 anyway, and it was just past 7. I got to the testing center, flew through the test for better or worse and headed home. Climbing the stairs in a hurry I opened the door to Mr. Bruin's but Scout wasn't sitting there waiting for me to take her out. She was whining as she sat on the couch, her head curled in Mr. Bruin's lap. Rushing over, my heart racing, I reached for his throat, but the color had all but left him. He was cold to the touch.

And there wasn't a pulse.

Fuck.


	8. Chapter 8

Author's Notes: Thank you for all those reading and reviewing. I love you guys a lot. It means more to me than you know. I hope you enjoy this chapter and more to come. Again, I apologize for the delay in posting. Real life is kicking my butt. Feel free to nudge me on twitter anytime. fallenfromprams I'm usually around if you ever wanna plot, speculate, chat. Happy reading and have a beautiful day. You're not alone.

* * *

So I'm a dog owner now. An actual one. That's weird. Not what I expected. Scout sort of clung to me and walked around in a stupor at the same time for the next few days. I didn't really know what to make of that.

Honestly I didn't know what to make of any of it.

_So early morning dance lessons in unheated studios are almost as much fun as early morning choir practice in unheated auditoriums. _Kurt texted that next morning.

What was I supposed to say that? Sorry can't flirt right now talking to the coroner? That didn't seem particularly like something I should start a morning off with. Unable to think of what to say I stuffed my phone in my pocket.

_Blaine Anderson you're always awake at the ass crack of dawn. You better respond to me. :-P_

Again I looked at my phone and again I felt sick to my stomach.

_This isn't another hangover gonna ignore me thing right?_

**Hey Kurt. Sorry I can't talk right now. Making some statements to the police. **

_The police? Why? Did someone sell drugs in the nicest part of town and you busted them up? I might have to steal you to come protect me out here in Bushwick. Who knew I was talking to a regular vigilante? Can I see your spandex?_

What was I supposed to say? Again I felt like I couldn't just blurt it, but what could I do? The police were looking for his daughter's phone number and having to inform her as I sat on the floor rubbing Scout behind her ears.

**Scout's owner died. He was a really sweet old man that used to check on me and we'd talk a lot. I found him. **

It took several minutes for Kurt to reply and when he did my hands felt like they were shaking. Why did this happen? Why am I having to deal with this now? It's just not fair.

_That is awful Blaine. I'm so sorry. Are you ok? Do you need me to come over or send someone?_

That's when I thought about Thanksgiving. I couldn't travel with Scout like this. She couldn't be on some plane cargo area alone. Maybe I could get my parents to come up to the city with Cooper. God I hoped so.

And I could talk to Wes and Trent. Maybe they would go out to lunch with me. Something.

**Thanks. I'm doing the best I can trying to deal. We're trying to deal. I don't know what's gonna happen to scout. She's my girl and my best friend. I can't just leave her. All of this feels so sudden. I don't know what to do with myself**

_All right don't panic. Just stay calm. These things happen. God I wish I could come up there and hug you. Do you need a hug?_

**I just wanna be held and forget this day happened. I don't want to be a part of a world where kind people are taken from us and not loved the way they deserve. I hate this. **

**so the short answer is yes. **

**why is this happening Kurt?**

_Honey I don't know but know that you're not alone. Sometimes I think we learned the great lesson we were supposed to over the years. Sometimes I don't know. But when I think about my mom I just hope she's watching over me and we'll see each other again. The ones that love us..._

**never really leave us. You're right. **

_Of course I am. Keep your chin up. He's in a better place. And maybe all this happened for a reason. _

**Maybe**.

Meeting Eleanor was nice. I'd been introduced to her on more than one occasion, but this was different. Skipping class I waited for her to arrive with Scout, and when she finally did she came and knocked on my door. Hopping up from my spot on the couch to get it I was surprised at how stone faced she was when Mr. Bruin was bright and warm. Hell Eleanor usually was. But when she saw me her everything crumpled and she practically collapsed against me sobbing.

My first thought was um. My second was wide eyed surprise. And finally my brain registered enough that in times like these you should be comforting. So I hugged her and ran my hands soothingly over her back as Bach's cello solos played in the background.

"I'm so sorry," was all I could muster and that sounded just so hollow. So cliche.

"He's been struggling so long and I'm so glad we got to know you Blaine. David and the kids are going to come into town tomorrow to be with me while I make arrangements. You meant the world to my daddy and I feel like you're a long lost little brother."

Mr. Bruin had told me about Eleanor struggling to get her catering business going in Rhode Island and the toll it took on her marriage, but it sounded like her family was rallying behind her and I knew he'd be glad to hear that. "That's good. I'm glad to hear it. He would be, too. It means a lot that you all kind of adopted me."

"I know you have family problems Blaine, but I want you to know that you're not alone and you're welcome anytime. I know daddy wanted you to have his old hope chest, the mahogany one that you were always tracing the engravings on, and Scout wouldn't be happy if I took her. She'd miss you and this place too much."

I nodded, words failing me as the knot in my stomach moved to my throat. "I wasn't trying to intrude or anything. Or try to-"

"Nonsense! You stop right there. You were family to him of course you're family to me. Come on. Let me treat you to lunch."

I grabbed my coat and hat then headed out. Lunch was nice over all. It was nice to share stories of Mr. Bruin and really talk to Eleanor. It was strange in places though because Mr. Bruin talked to both of us about the other so I'd start to tell a story and she'd finish it or vice versa. Almost like we were there with each other. Almost like we really were a family. And that was an extraordinary feeling.

With Thanksgiving looming I couldn't help but worry about Scout. I couldn't just leave her and I wasn't going to board her. So for the first time in over a year I went down to my garage and pulled my car out. It wasn't like you really needed a car in New York, but my parents insisted. Just in case. I think it was more a status symbol for them while I saw it as a zombie apocalypse insurance plan.

I canceled my flight and packed up my clothes, Scout, and hit the road. Driving a long distance like this was both annoying and relaxing. I spent a lot of time wishing I would've flown, but part of me was glad to see the country flying by. Like an adventure.

Kurt mentioned heading to a vacation down south for the holiday. The warm air was good for his dad.

Is it weird I thought maybe he could rescue me from my isolation? Maybe we could meet up at home. Which seems so weird in truth. New York was so much more my world than Lima ever was. It seemed only fitting that we both met at a place and time more suiting to both of our new lives, not a place that was full of bigots and uncaring. Memories of hurt and being used. And at the same time I could make a list of reasons to take back my old home with someone new and exciting.

I don't even know why I'm carrying on about this. Kurt isn't in Lima. He's in Miami. So really I just need to calm down a little with all that when are we going to meet stuff. Even if it was on my mind a lot.

Every time we stopped I texted Kurt a picture of where we were. It was like deranged guess the state bingo with trees and trash cans.

_Oh that one's easy. You're at the only stop for a hundred miles right on the New York border. You're gonna have to be better than that to trick Kurt!_

**LOL well I'll have to find some sneakier spots or be a bit more subtle about my pics**

_If I get a picture of parking lot gravel I'm gonna punch you_

**Now there's an idea I hadn't thought of. **

**You know it's a little sad that you're not in Lima. We could hang out. **

_We live in the same city all year round, have been talking for months, and you want to meet up in Ohio? Don't you want to hang with your family?_

Instantly I felt like I should recoil. Maybe he wasn't ready to take that step yet. And if I want to meet we can meet anytime. I don't have to wait until we're in Ohio of all places. Way to make him feel like you're using him for an out, Blaine. Could you be any thicker?

_Is that what you want?_

**What?**

_To meet. Move us beyond our flirty texts, stalking facebooks, without a firm commitment as to where either of us stands. _

**Well that sounds both deep and shady. Well done there Hummel. **

_That was an appropriate dodge. _

**Does that mean I should friend you?**

_Hey now, you're the one that said you were driving this train. _

I laughed at that and Scout looked up at me from the grass she was currently exploring. Of course I said something silly like that. Without another hesitation I opened my Facebook app and sent one Kurt Hummel of NYADA a friend request.

**There you go. The first stage of relationship complete. **

_Look at him throwing around the r word. What's to say I'm going to accept it?_

**You will**

My cockiness was unwarranted and unfounded. Insert insecure Blaine here because Kurt didn't accept my request. I did ask during a rest stop and he said these things couldn't be pushed. He'd have to think about it. It was just a joke but that familiar pang in my chest was most unwelcome.

Pulling into the driveway at home only made the pang grow. I took a deep breath before letting Scout out and then walking around the back of the car to get my duffel and Scout's bag. Surprise of all surprises no one was home. Honestly it was preferable this way. I wouldn't have to explain Scout and everything else. At least not yet. I could try to find something in the-Well, until I saw the note sitting on the counter.

Son,

Due to your tardiness we went out to dinner ourselves. We will be back promptly at 2030 and expect to find you at home. Please do not leave your belongings in common areas. We look forward to spending time with you since your visits are few and far between.

Father

I'm glad he could be assed to leave such a cordial note. His attitude in general drives me crazy, but things like this always make me hate coming home. Notes like this in truth usually left me wanting to kick something and rebel. You want me home at 2030 Father? I should go out and get shit faced with Wes or someone.

Someone…

The thought struck me then that I really was home. What if I ran into Sebastian?

Yeah right. He was probably holidaying in Fiji or Paris. Someplace exotic with mummy/daddy and their entourage of hired help. I would say I wonder what it's like to be an only child with sometimes parents, but with Cooper nearly ten years older and my parents zipping about to important charity balls and fundraisers I might as well have been, with the exception of me the mean jabs and tearing down. It's funny how much Sebastian and I have in common, I think it's part of what always drew me back. Even when he was tearing me down, Sebastian got me. He understood my family and background. Sure he poked fun, but it really felt like sympathetic, almost willing me to learn and grow. Not take things so serious. Like somehow easing my pain helped make sense of his own.

Though that could be nothing more than a beggars hope, wishing I meant something to him more than he led on. Wishing he needed and wanted me. Wishing it meant something more.

But it wasn't. "There's no use worrying and getting involved with the past Blaine," my father said to me years ago. "The sun comes up, the world keeps turning, and life halts for no one."

Damn was he right.

Before I realized, Scout and I curled into my warm, familiar bed and fell asleep, the numbness in my brain soothing the turmoil everywhere else.

"He's in here, Pop. Sleeping his life away per usual," a voice said. My entire everything felt like it was in knots without even opening my eyes. Even Scout felt tense under my hand as I shifted. "And he brought a friend!" Cooper shouted into the hall. I know he meant it teasingly. I think Cooper really cared most of the time, but he wanted my parent's approval and relished in being the beloved son. Not wanting to lose his place being too nice to me, but still caring. But at the same time…

Is it strange that my thirty something brother has the maturity level of a twelve year old? I half expected him to shout he was telling.

I didn't have a chance to say it as my very angry father stormed into the room, his face red with rage. "Under no circumstances are you going to defile my house Blaine Devon Anderson with your abominable lifesty-"

But he stopped as Scout stood up on the bed and shook all over. Even Cooper looked a little taken aback by the outburst as I shifted up on my elbow. "Don't worry Father. I brought a girl home this time. This is Scout. If it's going to be a problem we can get a hotel." Though my features remained blank but stern, like I was staring him down, my insides were in knots. I'm really glad I didn't bring someone home who would've heard that. Instantly my mind went to Kurt and how he might feel hearing something like that. He'd probably have a quick retort though. My father, the gifted diplomat and great at making people feel welcome obviously. Insert eye roll here. To know how he really feels about my "lifestyle" was more than a little crushing. Deep down I just wanted to be loved and acknowledged. I wanted his approval, pride, something. But my father will never understand or include me in his life. Never.

"So is this why you wasted that flight and decided to drive home? Because you went out and wastefully got a pet?"

"Actually I rescued Scout-look it doesn't matter. At least I didn't bring a partner home. Glad to know where I stand there."

"Don't be so melodramatic, Blaine," Father said as Coop shifted his weight looking uncomfortable.

"Right. We don't talk about double standards."

"We also don't talk about people who are disgraces to their parents by participating in something disgusting and unnatural to rebel."

I rolled my eyes and shook my head. "I need to make myself more presentable before I engage in conversation with you in a more formal and appropriate manner. You'll see yourself out."

With a flourish Father left the room. For a minute Cooper stood there like he wanted to say something, but he gave me a sort of half smile then followed our father out the door, closing it behind him.

Though I could feel the pit forming in my stomach and throat, I refused to let myself succumb to my emotions.

This was nothing new from my father, but every time he said something like this it made me sick to my stomach. My heart ached. My stomach churned. I wanted nothing more than to curl into a ball and go to sleep until it was time to go home. My real home. This? Was never home. I've learned that the hard way. Years of torment, judgement, the same shit on a different day. Things like this is what makes me feel worthless. Like I'm never going to amount to anything and shouldn't even try. I know there's a big world out there, there are people that love and support me, but in this moment, and moments like this, I just want to run. I want to settle. I want to give up.

And in truth giving up is not an option.

As my downward spiral continued into deep self deprecation Scout whimpered and nuzzled me with her cold nose. "Hey!" I said laughing a little and rolling over to rub behind her ears. "Ready to go out?"

She hopped up, her tail wagging, and I knew it was time to leave the sanctuary of my bedroom. Knowing that my parents would be sitting in the formal parlor I went down the back stairs and through the kitchen to take the dog out. The brisk air felt like it was moving into my lungs as we walked down the street, hand clutching her leash and a plastic bag. When my phone vibrated in my pocket I nearly came unglued though.

_Stay strong._

A smile moved across my face and I found myself caressing the screen before replying.

**Thanks. I really needed that. Wear sunblock.**

_Oh I will. I gotta keep my ivory skin perfectly porcelain for you._

**And glaringly bright for the people on the beach.**

_Shh! Don't give away my secret for getting a prime beach spot._

**Blinding them?**

_Exactly :)_

**I'll keep that in mind. I was thinking of you and your family earlier. I hope you guys are having a great time.**

_Moonlit walk on the beach is somehow less romantic when you're cuddling your dad because the breeze is cold._

**LOL. That's adorable. **

_I'm glad I could make you smile. Good night, Blaine._

**Adieu Kurt.**

_Of course. The obligatory 'Sound of Music' reference. _

**I didn't even do that on purpose. I'll remember that though. The hills are alive and all that. See any good goatherds lately?**

_No, but I did meet one of those flying nuns once._

**LOL**

As I made my way back towards the house after walking Scout my phone buzzed again with another notification.

Kurt Hummel has accepted your friend request.


	9. Chapter 9

Author's Note: Thank you guys for sticking with me. This chapter is short and I'm hoping the next one will be longer. My work schedule makes it difficult to find time to write, but know that I'm thinking of you guys. Feel free to poke me on twitter. Have a beautiful day. :)

3 Betta

* * *

If I had to come up with a list of things I'd rather be doing then sitting here with my family I'd say eating my own eyeballs, getting my teeth drilled without anesthetic, or other tortures. I'm pretty sure a kitten dies every time my father opens his mouth.

"Tell me how your studies are coming Blaine."

"Good actually! I've been looking at possible internship opportunities and double majoring."

"Hopefully you'll pick a better alternate major than being just a teacher. Especially for some art elective. At least you could get work teaching piano to brats after school, though I'm not sure you'd get much work if you didn't conform to society's standards."

"Kevin..." my mother said softly. My only reprieve was when my mother used that tone usually. A soft sort of coaxing tone that told him to stop.

I tried to give my mother a soft look, my eyes showing my gratitude, but my father brushed her tender touch off.

"What ridiculous additional degree would I be paying for?"

Losing a bit of my nerve, a pit formed in my stomach, but I knew I had to stand up for this. "Performance actually."

Father rolled his eyes. "Of course. Constantly seeking approval only makes you seem more foolish, Blaine. Following in your brother's path will just-"

"I think that's lovely, Blaine. I miss hearing you sing. You should share it with the world."

Cooper looked over at us as scoffed. "It's a lot more than singing and dancing."

"Maybe you could take your brother out to an audition or something. Or to a rehearsal," Mommy said.

Father rolled his eyes and made a clucking noise in his throat, his sign of disapproval. Regardless, for the moment I was safe.

Thanksgiving came and went with awkward silences and more standing off between my father and I. Though I did have a little reprieve. Trent got into town Thursday morning and we went out for a while before dinner.

"How are you holding up?"

"All right," I responded smiling a little. "Mom's been coming to my defense. Cooper is actually being kind. Tonight and tomorrow the parents will be gone. I think I can hold out for a day or so."

"Good! And how's Kurt?"

The thought of Kurt made me smile bright and goofy as I ran a hand through my hair.

But before I could talk Trent started laughing. "It's written all over your face. You got it bad."

"What?" I asked.

"You are so into him. So what's the latest?"

The smile grew brighter on my face as I took a sip of coffee. "We've just been talking a lot. We're officially friends on Facebook."

"Is that right? Are you planning to meet this guy sometime?"

"Hopefully. We joked about doing it out here but we decided to wait until New York. I think it'd be better to meet there. Where it all began kind of."

"That's sweet. Aren't you nervous?"

"Nervous about what?"

"Well you guys have each other built up so much in your head. What happens when you meet and you're disappointed? Or he is?"

"I'd never be disappointed. I-"

But what about him? I hadn't thought of that. Look at me. I'm not much. I'm a tiny guy with an all right fashion sense and decent hair, well now that I've retired the gel anyway. What do I have to offer someone like Kurt? He's talented. He's a triple threat. He's strong and independent and going places. And I'm... Well my dad put it best. A poser with meaningless goals. The piano teacher to be. The wash up wannabe. What the hell was wrong with me thinking a guy like Kurt would want anything to do with a guy like me?

"Earth to Blaine," Trent said waving his hand in front of my face.

"Oh. Right. Sorry," I said, still distracted.

"You look like you're going to be sick."

Shaking my head I didn't want to tell Trent what I was really feeling. I didn't want to reveal all the doubts and insecurities that plagued me, especially when he was looking at me with those moony, sympathetic eyes.

"I'm all right," I said. A soft smile moved across my lips. "Did you bring Lee home to meet your family?"

"Yes! She's loving my mom and sister..."

I nodded and smiled, feigning interest and listening to him babble, but my heart just wasn't in it. Maybe that made me a bad friend, but internally I was fighting with my feelings and emotions. Chasing the demons away was often hard for me. My history had been sordid and wrought with self doubt. Between my family and the bullies in my life I didn't think much of myself. Remembering looking up, bloody and shaking, as those guys stood over me and spit on me was humiliating and gut wrenching. I learned the hard way to be careful about opening up, but something in me longed for affection and attention. I wanted to belong more than I wanted anything. And sometimes that led to bad decisions.

After some time Trent and I made to leave the little shop. As I walked back to my car though he called to me.

"Blaine," he said as he stepped close and squeezed my arm. "I hope you and Kurt work out. You deserve that. And he'd be lucky to have you. You're an amazing guy and friend. Don't be too hard on yourself, okay?"

Smiling a little I hugged him and clapped him on the back. "You're a good man, Trent. Go save your girlfriend from the kitchen."

A barking laugh rumbled from Trent as he squeezed me tight. "Take care of yourself buddy."

His last words really struck me as I got in my car. Take care of myself.

That was a lot easier said than done. I wanted to do exactly what he said, but it was hard. Most of the time I tried to keep myself invisible, like I could somehow just waste away. But lately I felt vivacious, like I should live and be active in life. Like maybe I had a story to tell and should put myself out there. Maybe I was destined for more than what people like my father had to say.

The rest of the day went by pretty quietly. My parents went out that night and wouldn't be back again until sometime Friday so naturally Cooper decided it would be the perfect time to take Blaine out drinking. Obviously he didn't get the memo that bad things happen when Blaine drinks. I tried to insist on being the designated driver, but Coop was having none of it.

"Are you trying to make me an alcoholic, Squirt? You know that I can't just drink alone."

With logic like that how could I say no?

"Don't let Dad get to you, Kiddo. There's a lot of life worth living. And if you want to follow in old Coop's footsteps you know I could hook you up. We could be like the Anderson Bros acting troupe or something."

Laughing out loud, I couldn't help but shake my head at my beloved infomercial star brother. "Right. I heard you had a walk-on role coming up."

"No way! It's better than that, little bro! I get to be a full on dead body on SVU. It's amazing! I get to be chased down and everything. I'm really looking forward to testing my chops."

A bright grin moved over my face as he carried on about his prospects. "I still think theater's where it's at."

"Well good. I don't need you stealing my auditions with your charm. You can take theater and I'll do Hollywood."

"Deal," I said as I smiled. Sometimes hanging with my protective and silly older brother was great, but sometimes it was hard, too. It made me miss what we could have if we were closer, both in distance and emotionally. My brother, forever the actor, knew exactly how to play my father. And sometimes that meant throwing me under the bus, or not jumping to my defense.

But it was Thanksgiving and getting to spend time with him like this was a nice change of pace. The real Cooper without the judgmental eyes of my father making him feel like he had to fill the role of the good son.

Unfortunately for me the whole wing man thing works out great when Cooper's laughing and carrying on, but when a busty blonde walks by he all but disappeared.

Alone. It was a common theme in my world. As I walked out into the cool dark, pulling my jacket tight around me in the cold night air. My breath formed in a small cloud as I headed out into the dark.

"You really shouldn't be wandering around at night like that. May give people the wrong idea."

The shackles on my neck rose as I turned and squinted into the shadows. The voice was simultaneously smooth and grating. Almost familiar.

"What idea? Never mind," I turned trying to shake the creepy feeling moving over me as I walked away, shaking my head trying to rid myself of the mysterious voice.

"Being out alone at night, walking away from a bar, home for the holidays with the inkling of nostalgia and disappointment. Sounds like the recipe for a bad hook up."

I scoffed and sped up, the steps behind me matching my pace. "Do you always hang out in shadows around dodgy bars at night waiting to accost passers by?"

"Only when they're really cute."

Stopping underneath the light I turned to face the man when my face fell for an instant. Of course. I didn't need to answer anything. A deep sigh left me before I could stop it and I rolled my eyes before stomping away through the trees.

"Now is that any way to greet a friend?"

"You're not my friend, Sebastian."

"Sure I am tiger. And I love what you've done with the hair. I could actually tangle my fingers in it and pull you up to arch into me. Though sad because it was like lube was always present."

Heat creeped into my cheeks as my fists clenched in my pockets. "You really know how to sweep someone off their feet."

"I do try. What do you say to going and getting some coffee? There's an all night diner up the road from here."

I scoffed and stopped before turning to look at him. "Look I'd really rather not."

"What's your problem, B? You're awfully skittish."

Really? What's my problem? Was he kidding me? "What's my problem? I haven't seen you for like a year and you think you can just bounce back into my life like some sort of booty call? You're sick, Sebastian."

A smirk moved across his face as he held his hands up. "Whoa. Easy killer. You're the one who took it there. Not me. So if you're wanting someone to shine your knob you're gonna have to look elsewhere. I mean I know I'm great but that's no reason to beg."

"Beg?!" I howled as my fists clenched beside my side. I wasn't begging. I wasn't... Everything about this conversation had me turned around backwards. Wes always told me my need to have the last word would get the best of me someday. You can't argue with an idiot he said. But did I listen? Do I ever?

No.

Instead in my semi drunken, quickly sobering, state I did the one thing I could think of.

I pushed Sebastian and got up in his face. "I don't know who you think you are, but I've been here for five minutes and I'm sick of it."

"Are you?" He asked.

Flustered and frustrated I fumed, but was at a complete loss for words as I racked my brain. Not that I'd have much chance for a rebuttal anyway.

Because with my hesitation Sebastian grabbed me behind the neck and pulled me, pressing his lips deep and hard and possessively to mine.


End file.
